What can I do to have better relationships?
Good relationships come from the following:
- Read the book, Codependent No More. Study the codependent triangle I've been talking about for years, and avoid this unevolved mode of relating.
- The self-expression of the subpersonalities is the foundation of successful relationships.
- Firmness with yourself and gentleness with others is a key component. Everyone has a sensitive inner child – a 5-year old – at heart.
- Most relationships are formed from agendas with each other. Self-reliance prevents this fragile form of connection with others.
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"Firmness with yourself and gentleness with others is a key component. Everyone has a sensitive inner child – a 5-year old – at heart."
What does gentleness look like in a tribal moral justice system? Gentleness doesn't mean allowing dysfunction does it?
Katherine Toy Miller says
There are free support groups based on Alcoholics Anonymous such as Co-Dependents Anonymous. I found listening and talking in those groups a great help and made friends. The biggest help was finding out I was an Original One explaining why I couldn't relate with and fit in with humans- that it was no one's fault–and it was a great asset and strength! Yes, we all start out completely dependent as infants–becoming self-reliant is a life journey!
I have been studying directions from ALmines work for a few years now and I wonder if there is any relationship with i-ching and its 8 directions- 8 triagram of bagua. ? There are two planes ( each has 4 points) and the middle palace that is the place of Dantian.
Thanks, and sorry if this is a basic question.
Barbara Kathryn says
Codependency has an underlying…and understandably primal basis: survival. Humanity has servived in tribes, then in villages where the work (of survival) is shared out.
Although there are a lot of single parents, childrearing works better with a balanced family.
There is a sense of fear behind the rather unnatural situation of living alone in a city flat where not even a dog is possible.
And in a rural setting it's also hard to go it alone. And on a farm it's even harder.
So I think codependency is ingrained.
That's where 'stalking ourselves' is a prerequisite to mastery!
Barbara Kathryn says
For instance it's useful for the efficiency of our household to ask what's on your shopping list so I can add something to it. But I don't need to know where you are with it every half hour. On the other hand if you lose your car key and can't remember where the secret magnetic box with the spare is, just text me 🙃
Great to have this all in one place here. Very helpful for my clients for sure!!
Alexandra Murray says
Co-dependency is one of the greatest challenges to overcome. It's so…imbedded within most of us.