The Most I Can Give Vs The Most I Can Get

Anonymous:
Please clarify when we should practice the "random acts of kindness" that you have many times emphasized over the years of teaching, and when we should step back from helping?

The Seer:
It is the motive behind one's action that makes it either growth promoting for everyone involved, or not. The advisability of the act of giving to another is determined not only by the motive of the giver, but also by the motive of the receiver.

The criteria of receiving with grace:

• The first step of being worthy of the kindness of another, is gratitude. No one is obligated to bless you with their generosity — not even because they are a close relative. Do not take for granted that because they gave you a gift of loving support yesterday, that they have to do so again today. Only small children have the right to expect regular support for their lives from parents. But even the helpless or the frail should contribute in return what they can, and receive gratefully what you give.
• Strive to be as self-sufficient as you can, for only then can you be worthy to receive without creating a dependency.
• Do not consider the seeming disparity of resources between yourself and another as a mistaken reason for you to take their generosity for granted. Those who are apparently abundant, are often those who receive the least kind gestures from others, because it is assumed that they "have it all". Often those who are apparently abundant, have had their resources invested in property, college for their children, or other investments, and therefore have to carefully budget their resources just like somebody of lesser means.
• Life withholds its support from those who receive with a condescending attitude; an attitude of hauteur and self-importance. Feeling diminished by their need and acceptance of another's kindness, they accept with disdain. These foolish ones think that it is more praiseworthy to do for themselves than to accept from another who in compassion wants to aid in their struggle against the sometimes seeming overwhelming odds of life.

Wealth is an illusion. Whosoever is wealthy in one way is impoverished in another, for thus is the Law of Compensation upon which the universe functions. Although humanity values material wealth more than intangible abundance and therefore dubs some as wealthy and some as poor, it is but due to the limited perspective of a materialistic world.

How to Give With Grace

How to give with grace and when to withhold:

• When giving to another leaves you feeling drained as though you're carrying a heavy burden, then you are being drained not only of your material resources, but of your most valuable currency of all: your energy. Find a way in which the recipient can give something back, for no matter how trivial their contribution may seem, it is an important factor in maintaining their dignity and promoting their well-being.
• At times those who have become dependent on the care-giving of others, begin to behave in the subversively dictatorial way of a petty tyrant. They sense that the giver feels obligated and they start to assume that point of view as well; they start to behave as though the giver "owes" them. Be careful not to allow the needy nor the frail, to rob you of joyously living your own life.
• Take care that the support you give another, is not being funneled to yet another who has a non-life-enhancing habit to support, or who refuses to earn their living by their own labor.

Consider the following example:
Person A works hard for their money and endeavors to be a wise steward of their hard-earned resources. They generously share with one (person B) who is less able to earn his or her own income. But because B has little self-esteem, and not feeling lovable, strives to feel needed, B gives the money A worked so hard to earn, to person C — an able bodied son who spends his days drinking beer in front of the television.

• Consider that in actuality you would be supporting the laziness and promoting the sloth of C. Is that really a burden that inadvertently you wish to assume?
• Another undesirable way of being manipulated, is by excusing the folly of a recipient in relation to your generosity, because you like the person in all other ways.

Consider the following example:
Person A has assisted person B (a single mother of a grown son with a health concern) financially in the past. Person B asks or hints that she doesn't have rent money and after A gives a financial gift in response. B buys herself treatments at the beauty parlor. A excuses B based on the belief that "she just doesn't know how to work with money". But unfortunately A doesn't realize that by meeting B's expectations of assistance, she has robbed B of the chance to learn how to prioritize expenditures and 'how to work with money'.

• As someone who gives the most you can give to others, be aware that once a gift is given, it is no longer yours to control. The meaning of "giving" is to relinquish control of something to another; to truly give is to give unconditionally. In other words, the recipient should be allowed to spend it as wisely or as foolishly as he or she chooses. To be allowed to fail is just as important as to be allowed to succeed. But that does not mean you're obligated to give again if you feel you're being taken advantage of.
• As someone who gives the most they can to others without causing discomfort to themselves, it is important to know: