I hope you can advise my wife and I how to repair our deteriorating marriage. Here's the way I see it: my wife has difficulty letting things go. I have observed this in a most of her relationships, and they end up failing, for the most part.
Part of the feminine role is to see patterns of conduct that may last over long periods of time.
This does mean that she may mentally keep a record of things that happened years ago, to instinctually see if that one event is part of a pattern. This could be very confusing and seem unfair because one little straw could, "break the camel's back". To him – looking only at the one little event – she seems to be grossly over-reacting, but to her, she may be responding to patterns over years of, what to her, is unacceptable behavior.
With me for instance, she will revisit something that hurt her feelings 4 years ago and then want to talk about it.
Women have a far stronger tendency to want to know abstract reasons behind his actions. She is constantly trying to "figure him out" and may have spent most of her day trying to understand what had prompted such an action on his part 4 years ago. Whereas he may just want to get on with decompressing from a long day at work.
I advise her regarding her friendships, as well as in our own relationship, to not bring the past in to muddy up the present; a present which is beautiful and inspiring.
As I've previously explained, your well-meaning advice would require her to go against her female nature of keeping track of events that could be part of a pattern.
She doubts herself and my love, it seems she doesn't feel she can trust it. This has been the case of many of our arguments.
The vastly differing perspectives of men and women, have caused a great deal of judgment to be cast back and forth between them. Women in particular have been seen in a very unfavorable light during past, male-dominated decades. (She's been called hysterical, neurotic, volatile — a bitch and other insulting epithets.) Is it any wonder that she feels unlovable? How would the male gender fare if he is jerked around by monthly hormone fluctuations, menstrual cramps, and the emotional and physical ravages of giving birth?
I don't loose my cool straight away, but eventually that is what happens, I will loose my cool and hurt her feelings with my reactions.
There is at times a subtle, but hurtful, habit of male partners to treat the female like a child whenever a disagreement arises, and to put himself in the role of a chastising father figure. From this parental role he feels entitled to "lose his cool".
I recall that about two years ago, I had told you you would be participating in a learning experience called The School of the Gods. Well this is it. And the classrooms of learning are your relationships. She is the high priestess of initiations.
I have observed that it is these arguments or explosions that eventually lead to insights for her. I do not particularly enjoy having our alchemy leveraged for insights.
I agree with you. I have noticed over the years that there are lighworkers who thrust their insights onto others even though it may not have been asked for. That is an arrogant attitude that implies that one partner is more perceptive than the other. By all means gain your insights from all areas of life's experiences, but have the humility to keep it to yourself.
I tell her, I have observed many of your relationships fail over the years and the same reason that they deteriorate feels just like what happens between her and I.
If she should refrain from lecturing and analyzing her partner, then so should you.
I feel like I am at that point where I no longer wish to continue traveling with her.
Yet here you are asking for help to mend the relationship. It may be a draining journey to be married, but to experience the wondrous adventure of a partner is not for the faint-hearted and you, my dearest, are far from faint-hearted. Explore the wonder of her and do not expect her to be more like you.
Do you have any advice, Beloved? She may even have some sort of emotional disorder… I really don't know…
Yes, according to the male establishment, her disorder is called:
Being a Woman.
Why Can't a Woman Be More Like a Man?
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historically fair.
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Why can't a woman be like that?
Why does every one do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do everything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up, well, like their father instead?
Why can't a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please.
Whenever you're with them, you're always at ease.
From: My Fair Lady