Do What Is Yours to Do But Surrender to How Life Unfolds

Anonymous:
I am confused about understanding the difference between not enforcing my will upon others and not accepting the unacceptable. If something is unacceptable and I speak up and say, “this is unacceptable”, am I not implying to the other person that I think they should be behaving another way?

The Seer:
Good question. Before I give an example to clarify, let’s consider some fundamental principles:

1. When I say, do what is yours to do, but surrender to how life unfolds, part of what is ‘yours to do’, is to defend the innocent ones in your care. Your Inner Child, Inner Nurturer and Inner Sage are not able to defend themselves. If something is unacceptable, have your Inner Warrior stand up and say so.
2. There’s a huge difference between the scenario I’ve just explained and trying to manipulate another’s conduct. Many disempowered people try to placate and pander to manipulate others’ responses because they’re too weak to confront. That is an attempt to control outcome.

In #1 your motive is not to control or manipulate the other person. It is simply to clearly and firmly state your truth and clarify your boundaries. In #2 the non-confrontational person is attempting to control outcome by manipulating the other person’s response. In a very broad sense, that is the dynamic black magic is based on,

Now to illustrate the difference between surrendered trust and exercising your volition as to how you would prefer your life to unfold:

Person A has a roommate (person B) who opens and reads person A’s personal mail.

Understanding correctly where surrendered trust is required and where to accept or not:

• Instead of person A railing about being put in this awkward position of having to confront person B, an evolved person A would accept that there is something to learn from this situation and that he or she would surrender to the experience and gain its lessons or gifts. (In other words, the experience is accepted without self-pity or self-importance, but in graceful surrender.)
• Although the need for the experience is accepted, it does not mean that the invasive conduct of B is acceptable. The first step of not accepting the other person’s invasive and dysfunctional behavior, is to use the format as given in the book Journey to the Heart of God and say:

If you do this, I feel this (I feel invaded, etc)
Then suggest a more acceptable course of action.

If you have stated what will work for you and what will not, and the person’s unacceptable conduct persists, then it becomes time to implement a solution or part ways.

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